Monthly Archives: April 2012

Today, I’ve been doing stuff all the time so I haven’t had that much time to think about bad stuff. And I took my pill a bit later so it’s starting to wear off just now, and I’m soon gonna … Continue reading →

Last evening/night I flipped and I flipped bad, I did some bad things again, some really bad things. I’m not really sure what happened but then suddenly I sat on the floor with some bloody cuts on my arm and … Continue reading →

You know, I hate this! I hate these thoughts! I hate these feelings! I hate trying to do stuff when I know I can’t make it whatsoever! I hate feeling like this! I hate trying to be happy when I … Continue reading →

I’ve now for two days been trying to call places and people and try to figure out where I could get the help I need. I’ve been seeing this psychotherapist and that’s the kind of help I need, but I’ve … Continue reading →

Today, I’ve had that feeling, these thoughts, almost the whole day so far. And in school I just couldn’t take it, so I did something not so good. And I know it’s not good for me, but I just can’t … Continue reading →

I don’t believe, I think I’m falling asleep Is this beginning or ending? Am I stuck in a dream? I don’t wanna know what I think, I suppose Out of the light into this timely demise And there’s a cross … Continue reading →

Today after school I went and had coffee with a close friend of mine and it was really great ’cause we haven’t talked in a while, or we had talked but not like talkedtalked. And it was very interesting to … Continue reading →

I just realized I have absolutely no motivation at all, I couldn’t care less about school right now. I can’t really focus on anything else than holding back my thoughts, ’cause if I let them forth it’ll be bad. So … Continue reading →

So now all of my scissors are gone, among other things, and that’s good, but it doesn’t stop me from hitting a wall or something like that. I’m really thankful that there are people who care for me. But I … Continue reading →

I kinda “flipped out” the night to Friday and did something bad, but the most fucked up thing about ti all is that I was laughing while I was doing it, and now that I think about it I don’t … Continue reading →

1. Because I don’t deserve it 2. Because I can’t fight this 3. Because I want it to much 4. Because I don’t wanna let go 5. Because I need it 6. Because I feel that way 7. Because I … Continue reading →

I was earlier today and talked with my therapist and we talked about why I am like this, why I get these feeling and these destructive thoughts, and we talked a lot about my past, my childhood and stuff. And … Continue reading →

Thursday morning, I didn’t write anything yesterday ’cause I didn’t really know what to write. Yesterday was totally fucked, and I don’t like taking these pills. The sleeping pills are very scary, ’cause I just suddenly become very tired and … Continue reading →

So last night when I got home around half past 10 I started to hit a wall with my fist then I fell to the floor and laid there for some time. Then later when I got home again from … Continue reading →

So last night, I took my first sleeping pill an hour before I wanted to start sleeping like you’re supposed to. Then I stayed up about half an hour, and went to bed afterwards. I immediately started crying, and I … Continue reading →

Okay, so I’m gonna start my “pilldiet” soon, and I’m really scared. I read on the box that there can some side effects, and some of them are pretty fucked, so if I start acting weird, you know what it … Continue reading →

I just got home from school and all I can say is that today has been a very eventful day. Last night was really rough, in fact I had to call a person to help me, I had so many … Continue reading →

Yesterday I was mental at my worst, I had some very fucked up thoughts. But it helped a lot to talk about them, it’s like you’re processing them when you talk to someone about them, and then you really see … Continue reading →

Okay, 01:30 am and right now I’m so fucking scared of myself, I can’t explain it but I’ve a lot of “bad thoughts” lately and I’m so cared that I’m gonna start hurting myself again or take it to the … Continue reading →

Okay, now I’m gonna share a thought of mine which I think about every single day. So, I like to think of myself as a somewhat religious guy, but lately I’ve become a bit doubtful if there really is a … Continue reading →

I don’t wanna wake up today Cuz every day’s the same And I’ve been waiting so long For things to change I’m sick of this town Sick of my job Sick of my friends cuz everyone’s jaded Sick of this … Continue reading →

Today has so far been a good day, but I feel that it’s about to around and go bad, but let’s not hope that it happens. Anyway, there’s a lot of things that needs to be done before school ends … Continue reading →

Today has been one of the best days in a while and for that I’m glad. I had forgotten my keys at work and it took a while until I got them. But as soon as I got them I … Continue reading →

I’m having trouble trying to sleep I’m counting sheep but running out As time ticks by still I try No rest for crosstops in my mind On my own… here we go My eyes feel like they’re gonna bleed Dried … Continue reading →

Half past one and I just got homehome. I was so tired in school today, and not in a happy mood. I had a talk with a person in school today, and she was really worried about me. She said … Continue reading →

Friday today, that means a very short day in school, then home. But I don’t think I’m gonna stay there for the whole weekend. I didn’t sleep good at all last night, but then again I never do. There’s a … Continue reading →

Around 6 o’clock and this day has so far been more of a bad day. When I got to school I started to write a song, and in like 10 minutes I had it done. But the song was another … Continue reading →

It’s almost 12 o’clock, and I gotta say that this day has been one of the best ones in a while. Still tired and haunted by my head and thoughts, but somehow toady, I’ve been focusing on other things, and … Continue reading →

I don’t believe in the secrets you keep But I do wanna know,how do you sleep at night? And I’m over you, congratulations, And thank you for all the pain cause it made it be so much more fun There’s … Continue reading →

So I just got home from one of the weirdest school day in a while. I was in so many different moods that I can’t count them, and my head is all messed up. I have so many questions that … Continue reading →

School starting in 20 minutes, and I’m not sure what to think about this day. I’m feeling very weird today, I don’t know how to explain it but it’s somehow very weird. I didn’t sleep very well as usually, but … Continue reading →

It’s funny, how when you’re helping someone else, forget your own troubles, even for a while. It feels good when you focus your energy on someone else and their well being, and not on the things that troubles oneself. It’s … Continue reading →

So I had a nice day with a friend, and then suddenly my heart rate got all high, I couldn’t be still, and my thoughts were flying all over and everything was like a lot faster than normal. And if … Continue reading →

Monday today, school starts again tomorrow and I’m not sure if I want to go to school, sure there are lots of great people there but I feel like I don’t really care about school right now, I’m not motivated … Continue reading →

Everyone wants to call it, all around our life with a better name. Everyone falls and spins and gets up again with a friend who does the same. Everyone lies and cheats their wants and needs and still believes their … Continue reading →

This day, this Sunday, has been everything else than good. My head has been so full of all kinds of thoughts and other shit. I’ve been thinking so much that I came to a point at where I didn’t really … Continue reading →

My head is so filled with different thoughts that I don’t even know what I’m thinking about. So I’m gonna go for a stroll and try to clear something out

Sunday today and I actually have been sleeping pretty good, better than usually. I got a lot of thoughts on my mind so I’m a bit lost today as well. I told my mother that I would come home today … Continue reading →

Woke up and took a shower, I don’t know how I did it but I showered for about 40 minutes, usually it takes about 15 minutes. Saturday and the sun is shining, what could be better than that?… I’m not … Continue reading →

Okay now I’m just gonna spill it out, I’ve been seeing this psychotherapist two times now, and she has told me a lot about what she thinks is going on with me. She said that I suffer from a lot … Continue reading →

Friday and I’m still at home, but I’ll be leaving in about five hours. I’m gonna go to my home in the city, but before that I’m gonna go to a place where there are lots of people, some that … Continue reading →

The Summer sun is shining And everybody’s smiling I’m looking down, I’m crying And my heart is melting Like the snow in the Summer heat I don’t care, I’ll survive I feel so lost and alone In this darkness I’m … Continue reading →

So I just got homehome, and one thing is for sure – do not drive a car when you’ve been talking about some serious heavy shit… The talk was, I’m not sure what to say about it, but again I … Continue reading →

Yesterday was the most confusing and fucked up day in a while, but it had some good moments as well and that’s good. Today I woke up around 6, then I tried to sleep some more and I’m not sure … Continue reading →

Okay, so check this out; I’m in school, sitting and thinking, and then I see You looking inside the room and then disappearing. At first I thought I was just seeing things, but then someone asked me if he saw … Continue reading →

What if I don’t wanna be fine? What if I don’t want to smile and be happy? What if I am like this because I want to? I mean nobody wants to be sick right? But what if I want … Continue reading →

Today I’ve been tired as shit in school. And my thoughts and feelings have been completely out of control. I’ve had these very unpleasant feelings, it’s like someone has tried to choke me, it has been like really hard to … Continue reading →

Didn’t sleep that well, slept for some time but not that well. Tuesday today, and I’m still as “fucked” as yesterday and I don’t have the strength to do so much other than lay on the floor and watch the … Continue reading →

Today, I’m just sick of everything and everyone and I just wanna go and never come back. I’m tired, my head is all messed up and feel like I might explode any second. I just want to be anywhere else … Continue reading →

I couldn’t fall asleep so I went for a stroll, it was very peaceful and quiet. I also saw some bunnies hopping around. Bunnies, I don’t think bunnies have so much to worry about, maybe stuff like; don’t get hit … Continue reading →

The clock is 0:30 am, school starts in a couple of hours, and I just don’t wanna be here. I’d just like to go some place where nobody knows my name or anything about me. I’m so sick of being … Continue reading →

Do you ever think about running away ’cause i was thinkin’ about leavin’ today We’ll follow forever where our hearts wanna go Maybe we’ll live somewhere where nobody knows our names Then things might change for the good I wanna … Continue reading →